For the past several months, I’ve really been struggling with running. And by “struggling with running” I mean “getting ridiculously stressed out about running”.
It’s weird – part of me wants to run. But then I think about actually running – and I start to stress out and get anxious.
I don’t know exactly what it is about running that stresses me out. But it does.
I’m sure a lot of the stress stems from my general anxiety level being a lot higher since I weaned off of those anti-anxiety meds I had been taking. (I’ve been totally off the medication for slightly over 3 months now & overall I’m feeling really well! I have my super-anxious moments, but I’m feeling good.)
So I’ve been avoiding running – I think I’ve run 5 or 6 times total since the Sarasota half marathon on March 11.
And this “avoidance” was stressing me out even more…because this is looming on the horizon:
Everyone knows you need to have a solid base to start training for a marathon. …And something tells me 3 miles a month does not come close to “solid”.
To help make myself feel more confident – and to get some miles under my feet – I started speed walking. I had a couple great walks & averaged quite a few miles in the 13:45 range. A comfortable “brisk” pace for me is around 15:30, so 13:45 was really tough!
Speed walking sounded like a great idea – and I figured I’d just speed-walk MCM.
And then the heat came to Florida. Even walking at a 15:30 pace feels tough in 90* with 85% humidity.
So this got me thinking about the time requirement for the Marine Corps Marathon which is 14:00 mile for the first 20 miles in order to “Pass the Gauntlet” and then “Beat the Bridge” before they open the streets up to traffic.
So the heat and the timing made me start worrying more and more about how I was going to get through training. And then I started internalizing and feeling anxious about it.
I’m not good at compartmentalizing things that make me anxious (I’m working on it!), so my overall anxiety level has been through the roof, just from the thought of this marathon.
So I’ve decided to pull the plug on the Marine Corps Marathon.
The stress and anxiety just aren’t worth it. And frankly, at this point, I don’t think it would be good for my body to force all that mileage either.
I am not at all ashamed of making this decision – I know it’s the healthiest thing for me right now (mainly from a mental standpoint, but also physically).
I am bummed though. This was going to be a big event for me and my family since me, Ryan, Mom and Ron were all running together. And, well, it’s the effing Marine Corps Marathon!
So that’s it – I’m not running (or walking…or run-walking) the Marine Corps Marathon. And it feels really good to finally
say that out loud get that off my chest!